Really, Universe?

8 May

On the international adoption front, we were approved for all of the countries we applied for. That is the good news. The bad news is, well, the rest. The wait is so long, three years if we go with China, which has always been where we thought we would go. And the paperwork is staggering. I mean, part of me understands this, even appreciates the goal of finding good homes for children. The other part of me is incredulous, like you want me to do what? For how long? And give you how much money?

The other weird thing I wasn’t expecting is the religious aspect. The agency that I picked to start out is a Christian agency, but I never really thought about that going into it, what that really meant. The first thing that came up was that the “faith contract” that they want us to sign, which is basically a two page document promising that you believe in Jesus Christ. And, UGH SO MANY THINGS. It’s not even that I don’t believe in JC, because I do. It’s that I’m not super fond of my religion being reduced to a two page Word document. And it’s not that I’m not for contracts, because I was a paralegal long enough to know how important they are, but I don’t just enter into one willy nilly, and I certainly couldn’t even clarify something as personal as how I feel about Jesus Christ into a conversation, let alone a legally binding document.

But we looked past that and moved forward. And when I was talking to the international adoption lady she said, “Blank Adoption Agency has been around for 70 years, and we hope to be around for 70 more, unless Jesus Christ returns first.” I almost spit my drink out of my nose, again not because I don’t believe in good old JC but because my belief is wildly more abstract than that. I guess I have never thought of things that way. Which believe me, is changing, because tonight I said: I will do the dishes later, unless Jesus Christ returns first.” I know, I know, JC coming back isn’t fodder for jokes, but . . .

Anyway, I have a friend who is also going through this infertility business that left this very same agency because of their one man/one woman view of marriage. When she told me this I was stunned, like, I don’t care what they believe, I just want a baby. That probably sounds so selfish, but really universe? I have to deal with a bum uterus, the IVF debate, and now gay rights? I’ve always been a gay rights supporter, can’t I just turn my cheek once?

I of course answered that question myself. I am in the business of wanting a family. I had better make it my business to support everyone else that wants the same.

So we will explore all the agencies, and find the one that fits us best.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, I just really had no idea it would be so hard.


One Response to “Really, Universe?”

  1. T 05/11/2009 at 6:11 am #

    I know how crazy it all is when you start out. I’ve been facing adoption for years and still there are days when I’m like “dude, common now!”.

    The lists of questions that you fill out are very interesting. I mean there are many that you expect but then there are ones like “how will you talk to your child about sex education?” Uh… really?? I’m kind of thinking I’d have time for that. ๐Ÿ™‚ In our case however our child may come to us with needing some basic beginner good touch, bad touch so I guess it is a good question.

    Just want you to know that it does get better, it does become a movement that you can start to roll along with instead of feel like every step is so tough. I call it walking through mud. You keep moving forward but sometimes the path is slow and you feel a little stuck. Hang in, your goals are attainable and there is always support.
    Make sure to find places where other people that are looking and considering adoption are. Funding for adoption or support groups online are good. Friends and family will of course be a support but just like any “condition” or struggle it is helpful to include those who have been there, not just those that love and care for you. As you know, infertility and the adoption process aren’t something that people just “get” or can truly understand. I’ve found GREAT comfort in my fundraising group because not only is a great way to get ideas, not only do you see others who are trying 5.00 at a time to afford adoption which can be so expensive but you find people who really can relate and understand how it feels not to just be able to chose to have a child.
    When it comes to funding I looked at it this way. If I’m willing to get into debt for a 20k car why wouldn’t I for a child if I could afford it? That was a great way for Chad to make the mind shift. We went to the state this time due to the fact we didn’t want to take on the additional debt with giving me the option to stay at home with our child. Also I didn’t want to wait another two or more years until I could fund it all first so that I didn’t take on debt.
    Anyway… who knows what the future holds for any of us but knowing I can make decisions to fullfill our dreams instead of just continuing to have things “have” to be a certain way is a powerful feeling.
    Take care hun! You know i’m always here for understanding and/or venting!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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