1. I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said WWOD? Naturally, I thought Oprah. I was wrong. It was Ozzy. What would Ozzy do? Consume an unidentified substance and slur his way through the situation? Ride the Crazy Train? Throw down a ton of f-bombs? Sounds like a typical Sunday over here. I kid of course, but I was enjoying coming up with various scenarios and asking myself what Ozzy would do. Should I have stuffed zucchini or pita pizza’s for dinner tonight? WWOD? I think pita pizza.
2. That being said, I don’t think that I could be friends with someone that had that bumper sticker. I mean, I would be nice, of course. But we wouldn’t be talking on the phone or riding in the car together. It’s not him, it’s me.
3. In the same parking lot I saw a truck that someone had spray painted “Obama is a sissy” on the back window. In my head the kind of person who would intentionally drive around with this spray painted on their truck is the same kind of person who listens to Micheal Savage on the way to stir up some drama at a town hall meeting. Also, a sissy? That’s what you’ve got? Good sir needs a lesson in insults.
4. Perhaps I need to find a new grocery store.
5. Or, in lieu of changing where I shop, I guess I could stop being such a judgmental asshole.
6. Speaking of judgmental! You know how I know I’m getting old? I hate every single person on The Real World.
7. Sometimes don’t you log on Facebook and weep for humanity? People take those quizzes that are like: in what order will your children be born? And then they say things like: Yay! I have always wanted a boy and a girl two years apart! WWOD? He would hide them, and I do too. Have I too quickly dismissed a friendship with the WWOD bumper sticker guy? He wouldn’t take that quiz.
8. Does anyone else make up entire life stories of their pets, or is this another frightening stage of infertility? B and I were in tears last night talking about how Gypsy lived on the streets of Juarez, Mexico and had to make a shank for self protection. You try not to laugh imagining my dog strapping a shank on her self.
9. Some things are better just left not repeated. I fear that #8 was one of them.
10. The cashier at the grocery store today was probably 20 years old. She had a sparkly new wedding ring on, and she was bursting to talk about it. So she told me my ring was “a nice big one” to open the conversation. I complimented her ring and asked her when she got married, and it turns out it was only a month ago. Her husband is the produce assistant, Jason, who wouldn’t be at work today until three, but they would get off at the same time. (FYI). So then she asked me if I had kids, and I said no, not yet. So she asked me how long I had been married and I told her almost seven years. Her response was: YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST SEVEN YEARS AND YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS? WOW! I HOPE WE DON’T WAIT THAT LONG.
Well, bitch, you are lucky that you carded me for that bottle of wine, because I’m still on half of a high that I might appear closer to 21 than 41. Otherwise, I might have to go home and get my ex-Mexican street gang member Chihuahua and come back here and shank your ass.