So, I suck.

6 Sep

Well, it’s a good thing I am not getting paid to blog. I would have been fired, no? I can’t even say I’ve been traditionally busy, but I have been doing the following:

1. Obsessing about the babymama. The thing about infertility that never stops sucking is that you never know how to feel. I waiver between, “Yay! I have a babymama, how should I decorate the nursery?” and “She is going to change her mind, I know it!” about twenty times per day.

2. Working out. If I am not going to carry a baby, then I am going to get super skinny and clean the house in my underwear. It’s only fair.

3. Reading You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers. So, here is the thing. I love Dave Eggers. Like LOVE, love. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is one of my favorite books. I’ve read it more than once, even. So when I got Velocity, I was nervous that I would hate it. I need not have worried, I am devouring it. Every single neurotic sentence of it.

4. Babysitting my nephews. Oy vey, people. These kids will run you until you pass out and then lunch on your carcass. I am so tired when I get home I can barely focus.

5. My new BlackBerry. I have been holding out for an iPhone, as I am a devout follower of all things Mac, but it just wasn’t practical to switch carriers, etc. So I caved and got a BlackBerry and I want to make out with it. It’s pink and delicious and it fetches up information for me and feeds my Facebook addiction and has Sudoko. Me and the BlackBerry are in love, and we will run away together if you try to stop us.

6. Going to the beach for one last summer fling. My mom and I took the nephews to the beach, and learned a very valuable lesson: going to the beach with children can be fun, but not relaxing. It helps if you have ice cream and medication.

Funny story: we get this genius idea to ride those family bikes around town. My mom was all worried that it would be too hard, and I kept telling her with both of us peddling it would be a piece of cake! So we find the rental place and go in, and the rental guy is about twenty and super stoned, kicked back at this dirty desk, smoking a Marlboro Red with his feet up. I mean, you could tell he was hiiiiiiiiiigh. So my mom says, “Is it hard to ride these bikes?” and he exhales and says, “It’s hard to ride any bike.” This is when I started laughing. So we rent it, twenty bucks for an hour, load the kids up, and my mom runs back to the car for sweaters while the guy gives me the quick run down. He explains that only one side is functional with the steering wheel and brake. I hop into that side, because . . . well, my mom drove my sisters minivan to the beach, and I had had about enough of that. So my mom gets back, hops in, and we go to take off and it takes us about five seconds to start pedaling. Once we get going, we would come to a turn and my mom would just be turning her little brains out on her wheel, which doesn’t do anything, and on top of all of that, the brake is this big bar that you pull down and ours makes this giant farting noise each time. So the boys crack up, people on the street look at us, I mean, we were just dying laughing. And breathing like asthmatic cows, we would see a 4% grade in the road and yell, “HILL!” and go the other direction. So we were covered in sweat, and exhausted, and we are like, it’s been an hour, let’s take it back. By the time we round the street corner to take it back, we are wiping tears we are laughing so hard. The stoner guy is out front and sees us coming, and points us in the right direction. I pull the brake and it makes the farting noise and we are NOT OKAY. We were in the ugly cry, we were laughing that hard. So my mom squeaks out, “Has it been an hour?” and the guy takes a drag off his cigarette, looks us at for a second and says, “No, man. Fifteen minutes tops.” I can’t even explain to you what that did to us. I was weeping, hiccuping, crying, laughing. I turn to look at my mom and she has thrown herself over the dummy steering wheel, just sobbing. The boys are all, “What’s wrong with Grandma?” and I couldn’t even talk, I just grabbed them and mom’s arm and headed back to the car. I swear it was five minutes before we could talk again. WHEW. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.

7. Watching Mad Men. It is so strange to me to watch an era that is so visually stunning but so oppressive to the women. I want to take the best of it: outrageous nightgowns, that gorgeous teal headboard, awesome kitchen appliances, and great shoes.

8. Did I mention obsessing about the babymama? Because there is that too. I want to tell you guys all about her, in due time. I keep wondering when I will feel comfortable telling more about it . . . when she is pregnant? I mean, we still have to . . . get her pregnant. So many battles. I told B the other day that this is testing my faith more than anything ever has, and I don’t specifically mean my faith in God, I mean the faith that is required to endure this kind of situation. Faith that what happens is what should happen. Faith in this girl, that she won’t break our hearts, that this baby will be born, that this baby will be healthy. I am at the mercy of the universe, that is what it feels like.

9. Reading blogs. Even though I haven’t been posting on my own, I’ve been reading you guys. Awesome, as always.

10. Planning my next knitting project. I really want to make this baby hat. I know, right?

It’s a dreary Sunday here in the NW, and we have a birthday party to go this afternoon. Before then I hope to nap, because my dogs woke me up at 6:30 this morning, and I believe it’s against a law somewhere to be up that early on a Sunday.


7 Responses to “So, I suck.”

  1. Cathy 09/06/2009 at 7:06 pm #

    Oh My God….you got me laughing again. Nice to hear from you. xox

  2. MeAndBaby 09/06/2009 at 11:34 pm #

    I found you from Bingo and added you to my reader. I’m so glad I did if not for this one post. I nearly peed my pants laughing so hard and that bike story! That was friggin hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Amber 09/07/2009 at 9:06 pm #

    I can just picture you two on that bike! Damn cute baby hat!! Love you!

  4. coffeegrl 09/08/2009 at 2:59 am #

    That story about bike was hysterical!!

  5. Tracul 09/09/2009 at 7:17 pm #

    I have tears in my eyes from that story…only you can have that kind of fun Linul!


  6. Raz 09/15/2009 at 2:56 pm #

    I love it that you make me giggle even though you’re going through a lot right now. Respect.

  7. jak 01/16/2012 at 1:52 pm #

    late to the party and catching up on your story. i kept reading because i love how you write. not surprised that you are a dave eggers fan:) he’s great. congrats on your family and looking forward to keeping up with your blog!

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