I was born in a small town

3 Nov

This was inevitable.

B and I are both from the same small town. We didn’t know each other growing up, because I am older than him. But our paths crossed, we worked at the same supermarket in high school, my roommate was his roommates best friend, etc. We met at the wedding of his best friend and a good friend of mine. (Now divorced, which a weird space-time continuum thing, but that is for another day.)

Our babymama is also from our small town.

If you too are from a small town, you see the rub: once the word got back to said town, it would spread and take on a life of it’s own. Not helping this situation is that our babymama, at one point, had a reputation for being a bit of wild child, smoking and drinking and . . . GASP! not being ashamed of it.

So we were trick or treating with some friends of ours, and she was going to be there later, and someone who knows about the surrogacy asked if she was pregnant, and before I could even stop it, one of the guys (who doesn’t know about the surrogate situation) said, “Oh, she is pregnant again? Shocking. Who is the dad? Let me guess, she doesn’t know? Is it going to come out with a drink in it’s hand?”

Before I even go any farther let me tell you about my babymama today, years after her wild days: she is a single mother of two children, both by the same father*, owns a house, works full time, recycles avidly, goes to church every Sunday and has the heart capacity to to carry my baby for me. Am I defensive of her? Absolutely. File that under: NO SHIT.

* I only add the “both by the same father” part because the dillsmack on Halloween insinuated that she didn’t know who the father was, which was stupid on top of a stupid sundae.

I just didn’t even know what to say. Or how to stop it. Someone else said, actually, it’s a baby for Lindsey & B, and then a silence followed, and then he still wouldn’t stop. He said, “Wait a second! So your baby is going to be getting poked in the head by her boyfriend for nine months?” WHO SAYS THAT?

I kept just trying to walk away (and curse B for missing trick or treating this year) and make it stop. I don’t even remember the other comments, but I finally turned around and told him that if he didn’t stop talking about my babymama like that I was going to junk punch him. He could tell I was serious, and that was the end of that, but I was reeling all night.

Here is what I’ve come up with:

1. Maybe he was drinking?
2. This is the inherent problem with a small town. Once someone has been labeled a certain way, it never really leaves.
3. I should definitely find different people to trick or treat with by the time I do have a little one.
4. Also: maybe he is just an idiot? That was drunk?

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8 Responses to “I was born in a small town”

  1. Liz 11/03/2009 at 3:54 am #

    Wait, is Babymama knocked up? Was there an announcement that I was too self-absorbed to register? Dude, please confirm so I can lose my shit properly. (I am so high on Vicodin right now, just so you know).

    Also, dudes are retarded. This particular dude seems to be especially, vigorously retarded (I keep saying retarded and that’s probably offensive but please see above in re: high). A dude like that plus alcohol plus foot in mouth plus dudes think pregnancy & babies getting “poked” is taboo & hilarious equals douche. But probably not malicious. Just aggressively stupid.

    Also, I am to enjoy your header. Also I love it when you blog so much. Ha, I am weepy high girl.

    • lswan 11/03/2009 at 4:06 am #

      You are KILLING ME! Seriously, dude: you are just getting body parts dumped in landfills and stuff? 😦

      No, she is not pregnant. Well, she might be, but we don’t know yet. I thought that after I hit publish, that perhaps I should have verified that. But don’t worry, when she is pregnant I am going to DM the shit out of you.

      FURTHERMORE, I am stealing “vigorously retarded” and “aggressively stupid”. You on vicodin = great insults!

  2. Lelo 11/03/2009 at 5:34 pm #

    This is the first of many many things people are going to say. Many.

    I think it’s time for you to come up with a variety of wickedly smart responses and sayings and lines so that you don’t have to carry it around and explode. Perhaps you can thank this asshole for getting you to make an early start of it because his was truly asshat-ish. Can it get much worse? Probably not.

    Bring on the lines!

  3. Sara 11/03/2009 at 7:01 pm #

    I was born in a small town too, and for all the good things that may bring, I believe the worst part is how small minded (and large mouthed) some folks can be. Clearly, this guy demonstrated this his mental and social abilities have not graduated past small town high school. Being drunk is not a free pass for being mean and aggressively stupid (!).

    I agree with Lelo, write some witty responses on a note card and keep in your purse at the ready…. and then snap!

  4. Amber 11/03/2009 at 7:09 pm #

    5. an ignorant asshole

  5. a byte of e news 11/04/2009 at 12:06 pm #

    Great info…thanks

  6. The Best Friend 11/06/2009 at 7:36 pm #

    Stupid on top of a stupid sundae. Best line ever.

  7. papa 11/06/2009 at 9:51 pm #

    An insensitive asshole but we all (you) knew that before Halloween. Being from a small town has a lot of reasons to move to a big town. However, I’m sure that being a stupid asshole is a national problem. Maybe I watch to much news, but your Halloween guy sounds like a mixture of small town mentality coupled with limited education with near retardation from inbreeding or strained through a sheet himself. Now the sad part, he has contributed to populating the earth with children who may very well grow up to be just like dad.

    I agree with making some notes for yourself. You & B can practice with each other to fine tune the quick snap responses. I seem to recall that you have been able to lash out with wit on prior occasions.

    I anxiously await your little cygnet. I’m still down for Jim Bob.

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