Happy New Year!

1 Jan

We decided to stay in the for the night, which ended up exactly as I had predicted: we had to fight to stay awake, the ball dropped and we kissed, rolled over and passed out. I’ve chose to interpret that as a sign that we are preparing for 2010: Year of The Baby.

Then we woke up this morning and after making coffee and feeding the dogs we brought our coffee and a movie upstairs and watched a movie in bed. We paused it halfway through and B went and got McDonald’s for breakfast, which we then ate IN BED. It was amazing! I haven’t had McDonald’s breakfast in years, and we never eat in bed. We are living the high life, people.

I am usually much more resolutiony that I am this year. I think more than anything, I’ve been reflective. This was a weird year for me. I didn’t work most of the year, so there was this constant underlying financial stress. Then there was the infertility heartbreak, which was for sure in its hardest year. Despite those two major things, though, I had a really good year.

We worked on making our house a home, painted and tore stuff out and I had my first garden. I learned to knit and started blogging more. I had an AWESOME summer, spending a ton of time at the farm with the boys and my parents. Brandon and I lucked out scoring an amazing vacation right on the river in Bend. I kayacked. We took long bike rides, I made amazing food, we saw a ton of good movies. I made some awesome, darling friends. I spent a good chunk of fall taking walks with my nephews and taking pictures of everything, we watched movies outside, and then right in the last gasp of the year, I got a job and a pregnant babymama.

I learned some things too, and I think they are important ones. I learned to tap into a well of patience I didn’t know I had. I became more comfortable in my skin. I realized that I had been holding myself to impossible standards for far too long, and that no one else expected perfection from me. I learned that having a messy car or dishes in the sink just means that you have a messy car or dishes in the sink, not that you have a soul deficiency. I have at least become aware of the fact that I am too hard on myself, even if I have not yet mastered not doing it.

Here is the thing: someone offered to carry a baby for me. I am humbled by this gesture. My number one resolution this year is to be the mom that my babymama believes that I will be.

I would also like to keep track of my other resolutions here, because I’ve found that when I share things here I do a better job of making them a priority.

* Lose 30 lbs by the time the baby is here.

I am still at the point in my life where I cringe at photos of myself. It’s a terrible trait to have, and I would like to get to the point where I feel as physically comfortable in my skin as I have emotionally felt. I think that 30 lbs puts me a good number, not too thin, but healthy. By my math that means I need to lose 3.75 lbs a month, which is cake. I am going to work out 4 days a week, and not be obsessive about it. Usually when I start to get in shape it goes like this: I decide I should lose weight, I go to the gym five days a week for three weeks, then become despondent because I am not yet running a marathon. See also: hard on myself. I just want to be healthy and take some good photos.

* Stop worrying so much.

This one is rough, you guys. I am programmed for worry. It’s like breathing for me, but my doctor laid it out last visit and said that I could start putting myself in real danger with bleeding uclers if I don’t figure out a way to deal with this. My fear is that the worry will only become worse with a new baby and parenthood, so I would like to whatever it takes to address it soon. I have been resistant to medication, and not for any reason other than I didn’t want to keep throwing pills at problems. I totally believe in the power of medication and support taking it, I guess I just kept hoping that it would go away. So I am going to give it a couple of months and then make a choice.

The thing is, looking back on this year, I realize what a waste of time the worry is. It did me no good. It didn’t find me a job sooner, it didn’t change my fertility . . . it just made me sick to my stomach. It seems really silly, and like such a waste of time.

* Read more.

I did have this as read a book a week, but then I realized I am perhaps setting myself up for failure considering that in August a tiny little human being is going to be relying on me to sustain its very life, and I can’t very well tell it to hold on while I finish my chapter.

The subsection of this goal is that I want to keep track of what I read, so I fired up my Goodreads account and am going to try to be diligent with that. When I can figure out how to share it on this site, I will.

* Blog goals

This blog has been good to me, and this next year I really want to post more regularly and perhaps even give it a little facelift.

* Crafty goals

I want to learn how to quilt, knit a baby sweater, and sew some swaddling blankets.

I want to make Chocolate Babka, and I want to bake bread.

* Miscellaneous Goals

1. Redo the living room
2. Redo the pantry
3. Add on to the back deck
4. Do the misc. finish work around the house
5. Hang the awesome light I got from Ikea two years ago
6. Have a murder mystery dinner party
7. Get out of my comfort zone more often
8. Do one thing I think I can’t
9. Walk the dogs more
10. Spend some quality time at the beach

I think that’s all for now, but that is quite a lot, no?

I hope you all rang in the New Year happy, healthy, and excited for 2010.

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7 Responses to “Happy New Year!”

  1. Jen 01/01/2010 at 8:22 pm #

    That *is* quite a bit! Especially with a little sweetie coming this summer! πŸ™‚ I too have to work on the worry and, for me, silencing the critical voices in my head. I suppose I can smack them around, but then they retaliate. πŸ˜‰ But I have all year. πŸ™‚

  2. Amber 01/02/2010 at 10:36 pm #

    I strongly believe in medication (and alcohol) as well – as do those that live with me! : ) You are a beautiful person Lindsey, and I do hope you blog more – you have the special gift of making people laugh. That, my friend, is something that I look forward to every day! (Even when the f’ing dishes pile up.)

    I can’t wait to meet your new family member! I wish I could say that the worrying will get better, but I believe that it will only get different. But the joys will double so that’s a plus!

    I too would like to be more healthy and stop hiding behind my camera. Although I love it there, I would like to update the family picture of us that hangs on the wall. One day…

  3. girlvaughn 01/04/2010 at 7:13 pm #

    I love this post. I’ve read it 5 times…

    I’ve been wanting to re do my list and this could be the inspiration…

  4. Denise 01/05/2010 at 4:54 pm #

    I hope you’re able to accomplish all you’d like; even if you only accomplish half the list, it still has the potential to be a pretty fucking fantastic year, babies being what they are (which is CUTE and SQUISHY. We will just ignore the whole NOT SLEEPING part for right now).

  5. Lisa 01/06/2010 at 10:47 am #

    I had to reread the very simple way you dropped in the news of finding someone to have your baby because I wasn’t sure I’d read it right. Then, when I did, I got a lump of emotion in my throat that didn’t go away for a few minutes. Brilliant result. I identify with a lot of your resolutions too and wish you luck.

    Lisa

    P.S. I like your blogging style and the lovely clean look of it with the photos. I’m trying to redesign mine, so I notice things like that.

  6. Liz 01/07/2010 at 1:07 pm #

    How could you be MORE resolutiony than this!? You are making me sweaty with anxiety. Wanna know what my resolution was this year? Learn to crochet. And even that was was like, meh. You, sister, are going to set the world on fire this year. Right up until little Bella arrives (Get it? Bella Swan? Is funny, no? No. Ok.) then you’re going mostly to be tired and panicky and covered in barf and actual. human. feces. And you’re gonna love every minute of it. The end, by Liz. (p.s.–you’re amazing, too)

  7. papa 01/08/2010 at 1:20 pm #

    As grandpa I am going to pass on the whole human feces thing. That’s why sticky fingered, curtain climbing, nickel grabbing kids have parents.
    Good list, well done. I’m waiting for summer on the farm to roll around. Who knows this might be our last summer here but it will be a great one with the newest cygnet joining us. Lazy summer days with the grandbabies laying on a blanket in the shade with grandpa. Can’t wait.

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