In which the Universe and I carry on with our abusive relationship

3 Apr

Well, well, well. What should we talk about?

1. That I’m having a girl (OMG WTF BBQ LOL?)

2. What about the time I took my babymama for her first pedicure and she contracted “contact dermatitis” from the chair? That’s awesome.

3. Or how about how I turned 35?

4. The new patch of gray hair?

5. How about how we went to see Dr. American Psycho for the last time and she gave me, B and our babymama a talk about how she fell in love with Jesus four years ago while riding a horse in meadow?

6. If that isn’t good enough, we could talk about how earlier in the week I had this bump on my head, and it hurt really bad, so I had B look at it and he diagnosed it as an ingrown hair. It kept getting worse and worse, and the pain was spreading across my face, and then I woke up Friday and had lump in my neck the size of walnut. Turns out it’s SHINGLES. Sha-what?

Shingles, motherfuckers. It’s like the universe brings me diamonds and then tells me it’s having an affair.

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5 Responses to “In which the Universe and I carry on with our abusive relationship”

  1. girlvaughn 04/03/2010 at 6:38 pm #

    DUDE!! My husband had a shingles a few weeks ago.. I AM SO SORRY!! eeek.

    Has baby mama already had chicken pox? that would be my only concern…

    I hope you feel ok… it’s a total pain in the ass. But the good news is that you should be able to blog a lot while you’re home sick! 😉

  2. Denise 04/04/2010 at 1:51 pm #

    How the hell are you thirty five?

    • lswan 04/05/2010 at 5:45 am #

      I don’t know, Denise. I just don’t know.

  3. Desiraie 04/07/2010 at 1:37 pm #

    Shingles … NO FUN. So sorry. My mom has had them a few times and it was horrible. I hope they don’t last!! Stop stressing yourself out friend. xo

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  1. In which the Universe and I carry on with our abusive relationship … | Abusive Relationship - 04/03/2010

    […] WTF BBQ LOL?) 2. What about the time I took my babymama for her … View full post on “abusive relationship” – Google Blog Search Share and […]

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