Well, well, well. What should we talk about?
1. That I’m having a girl (OMG WTF BBQ LOL?)
2. What about the time I took my babymama for her first pedicure and she contracted “contact dermatitis” from the chair? That’s awesome.
3. Or how about how I turned 35?
4. The new patch of gray hair?
5. How about how we went to see Dr. American Psycho for the last time and she gave me, B and our babymama a talk about how she fell in love with Jesus four years ago while riding a horse in meadow?
6. If that isn’t good enough, we could talk about how earlier in the week I had this bump on my head, and it hurt really bad, so I had B look at it and he diagnosed it as an ingrown hair. It kept getting worse and worse, and the pain was spreading across my face, and then I woke up Friday and had lump in my neck the size of walnut. Turns out it’s SHINGLES. Sha-what?
Shingles, motherfuckers. It’s like the universe brings me diamonds and then tells me it’s having an affair.