After we had been home from the hospital for about three days, I told B that I couldn’t move forward unless I knew Babymama was okay. I sent her an email that basically said, how are you, how should I act, do you want to be left alone, do you want pictures . . . tell me what to do. The email she sent back was so amazing it was like she had given me another gift.
I will paraphrase here because it seems wrong to share her words directly. What she told me was that she didn’t know why, but she had always wanted to help me and B. She saw us struggling and had a nagging feeling that she could do something, but didn’t know what, and we weren’t close enough at the time to just ask. When she was told that we were thinking of surrogates she knew right away that she would do it, and she would have done it for free. She said she felt that God had this planned for us, and that she knew as soon as she handed the baby back to me that she had done the right thing and was not sad anymore. She thanked us (!!!) for making it such a positive experience for her.
I felt free when I read it, like I could exhale, celebrate, love this little girl. I don’t know what we did to deserve Babymama, but the things that she has taught me about grace I will always carry. I hope that when Fiona is older she will read this story and she will feel the awe that I feel.
Thank you to everyone who sent an email or left a comment. Some of you have been here the whole time, sending this hope and love to us that we have actually felt and has actually buoyed us during uncertain times. I wanted you all to know that Babymama is happy and sees Fiona regularly and that we are intent on making this very different family work.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.