GAH. Please feel free to skip this.

The boys woke me up at 5:30 this morning. I had done like six Saturday’s worth of work by 2:00, and since then I’ve done nothing but knit and eat.

I’m not complaining, bear in mind. It’s storming here and I am glad to be cozy inside. BUT DUDES, it doesn’t give me a ton of fodder.

I am, however, working on a NAQ: Never Asked Questions. I think it’s going to be pretty awesome.

Also, I don’t think my babymama is pregnant this time. First test was today, and it was early, so she will take another, but it was negative.

I can’t tell how I feel about this. I guess I just felt in my gut that it wouldn’t be this time. I mean, working the first time? That is just not how our baby rolls.

Still, I’m sad. Tired. Mostly tired. When she said she would take the test, I couldn’t even look at B. I couldn’t see the nervousness in his eyes or I would have lost my shit. I had to look at things in the room, not rock my boat, stay inside my head. Then when it was no we chitchatted and then headed to the car, and as soon as we got in I said, “Fuck, dude. I’ve never been so thirsty in my life. When she went to the bathroom every ounce of saliva I had ever created evaporated” and then we did the thing that Jim Carrey does in Me, Myself and Irene when he has cotton mouth, and we laughed most of the way home.

My nephews are coming for a sleepover.

We are having dinner, watching a movie, eating peanut butter popcorn, and carving a pumpkin. (One small pumpkin that Andrew has been carrying around for about a month, waiting for a sucka like me to agree to carve.)

In the morning we are having pumpkin pancakes and making these cute terrariums.

Saturday we are going to drop the boys off, stop at our babymamas house to give her a bag of goodies, head to goodwill to find the pieces we need for our 80’s ensemble for a party next weekend, going to Mexican food, and then FINALLY going to see Paranormal Activity.

Sunday morning we are going to watch movies that are overdue until it’s time to go to the in-laws house for a birthday party.

In between all this I am going to knit my brains out, because Christmas is coming and I have 1,000 fabulous ideas.

Also, I found a box of pictures from 1990 to about 2000, and listen people: I’m firing the scanner up. This shit is PRICELESS.

Are you guys tired of hearing from me yet? I can’t believe it’s only seven days into Nablopomo. I hope we still like each other in the morning!

It’s hard for me to write a post today. We are in the in-between time of insemination and test taking. It is like a purgatory of sorts, and it sucks your brain up zombie style. I can’t focus on anything else. In a week, my life could be headed in a different direction. Or it won’t.

You see how this could be confusing.

It is stormy here today, I don’t think the sun ever really rose. B has been off work all week, and if we weren’t constantly wondering about a baby, we would be worried about finances. But we live two lives, sometimes. We had breakfast together, ran our errands, had a nice lunch together, watched movies, had a late dinner . . . luxurious, in a way.

I’m sitting here today, knitting while he watches sports, feeling like it’s Sunday even though it’s the middle of the week. Trying not to worry. He sees me, and says: you have to keep the faith. You HAVE to KEEP the FAITH.

It’s raining, and gray. The wind is blowing the trashcans set out for trash day all over the street. It’s hard out there, but it’s hard in here too. I don’t know what keeping the faith means sometimes.

So, I am fascinated by the pictures people have on their cell phones. It’s an interesting tell about what kind of person they are, what kinds of things they notice.

There are over 450 pictures on my phone right now, it’s hard for me to delete them and I am not sure why, because what am I ever going to do with a picture of tea with a funny name?

Oh, right. Share them here!

Tea

Taken at the grocery store and sent to B because I have the maturity level of a fifth grader.

Rain

Our lovely fall weather!

Time

Driving home from insemination, hoping that conception was happening that very minute.

Stuff

Knitting, notebook and peanut butter popcorn. Life is good.

Zombie

AJ doing his zombie walk.

Witch

My sister on our way to witchy Bunco.

Sunday

B and the dogs on a lazy Sunday.

Baby book

Fuck this book.

Babies

The best friend and I our freshman year.

Panther

So apparently there is a panther on the loose in my neighborhood, because look at the size of those prints.

Again, this is totally an invite for you to share your pictures with me. I mean, I can’t be the only person to laugh at the Chocolate Smooth Move Tea, can I?

I was going to do Nanowrimo this year. Again. I’ve been signed up since 2006 and haven’t done it yet. I love the site, I love the idea, I want to write a novel, yet somehow every November there seems to be another reason why I shouldn’t do it. I had my outline ready this year, and even started writing on Nov. 1, but my heart wasn’t in it. My heart is consumed these days, there isn’t a lot of it to go around. What I can do (I think) and what I love so much – is write here. So I decided to do NaBloPoMo, which is National Blog Posting Month, where you post every day for 30 days. This, I can wrap my mind around.

So today I am going to start something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile. It’s Link Day! I am a habitual link-sharer, and I am constantly starring things in my reader and clipping things for Evernote (more on Evernote below) with the idea that I will come back to it later. A lot of things I do return to, recipes and music the most. It is the joy of the internet, right?

For now I am just going to throw some stuff out there that I’ve found interesting or marked. No real rules here regarding content – if I’ve found it interesting hopefully you will too. Also, this is totally an invitation for you to send me links, in the comments or via email.

Let’s do this!

1. Evernote: So Evernote can do a lot of things, but the basic idea is that you can clip web pages, emails, photos, etc. and save it to Evernote, and then it can be accessed from any computer any time. I can copy emails to them, send texts or pictures, send tweets even, and everything can be tagged. It is basically what Google Notebook wanted to be.

2. Really, I could give you 100 links alone for Joy the Baker, but what I bookmarked recently was this entire post on pumpkin goodness. Oh, my.

3. I love these wrist warmers, and am in the process of making a couple different ones for Christmas.

4. I know this made the rounds on Halloween, but I just think Not Martha’s meat hand is is the most disgusting awesome thing I’ve seen in a long time.

5. This isn’t a blog I had ever heard of, and I haven’t read more than this post, but I found this via Google Reader’s shared items, and after reading it I haven’t stopped saying, “I F*cking Love Bacon!”.

6. You Aught to Remember is counting down 100 things we should remember from the 2000’s.

7. I can’t stop listening to this song. (It helps if you don’t watch the weird “unofficial” Gap-ad like video.)

8. Genius!

9. I am thinking of how I can make this myself, because I covet it and can’t afford it. It makes me happy.

10. Betty Draper nightgown trend? Count me in!

Chew on that, yo.

This was inevitable.

B and I are both from the same small town. We didn’t know each other growing up, because I am older than him. But our paths crossed, we worked at the same supermarket in high school, my roommate was his roommates best friend, etc. We met at the wedding of his best friend and a good friend of mine. (Now divorced, which a weird space-time continuum thing, but that is for another day.)

Our babymama is also from our small town.

If you too are from a small town, you see the rub: once the word got back to said town, it would spread and take on a life of it’s own. Not helping this situation is that our babymama, at one point, had a reputation for being a bit of wild child, smoking and drinking and . . . GASP! not being ashamed of it.

So we were trick or treating with some friends of ours, and she was going to be there later, and someone who knows about the surrogacy asked if she was pregnant, and before I could even stop it, one of the guys (who doesn’t know about the surrogate situation) said, “Oh, she is pregnant again? Shocking. Who is the dad? Let me guess, she doesn’t know? Is it going to come out with a drink in it’s hand?”

Before I even go any farther let me tell you about my babymama today, years after her wild days: she is a single mother of two children, both by the same father*, owns a house, works full time, recycles avidly, goes to church every Sunday and has the heart capacity to to carry my baby for me. Am I defensive of her? Absolutely. File that under: NO SHIT.

* I only add the “both by the same father” part because the dillsmack on Halloween insinuated that she didn’t know who the father was, which was stupid on top of a stupid sundae.

I just didn’t even know what to say. Or how to stop it. Someone else said, actually, it’s a baby for Lindsey & B, and then a silence followed, and then he still wouldn’t stop. He said, “Wait a second! So your baby is going to be getting poked in the head by her boyfriend for nine months?” WHO SAYS THAT?

I kept just trying to walk away (and curse B for missing trick or treating this year) and make it stop. I don’t even remember the other comments, but I finally turned around and told him that if he didn’t stop talking about my babymama like that I was going to junk punch him. He could tell I was serious, and that was the end of that, but I was reeling all night.

Here is what I’ve come up with:

1. Maybe he was drinking?
2. This is the inherent problem with a small town. Once someone has been labeled a certain way, it never really leaves.
3. I should definitely find different people to trick or treat with by the time I do have a little one.
4. Also: maybe he is just an idiot? That was drunk?

Notice that the new masthead is actually not a standard WordPress photo. This is part of Making My Blog Not Suck campaign. I feel like it’s going swimmingly, don’t you? I so badly wanted to put the picture I took of my middle finger flipping off my dusty copy of “What To Expect When You Are Expecting” but I didn’t want to alienate people and stuff. Plus, I totally am going to write a book called, “What To Expect When Someone Else is Expecting”.

The genius of that title bowls me over, people.

Good news, dudes: according to my research* fall doesn’t end until December 21st. I have been thinking that I am running out of time to make and then implement a list of fun fall things. Furthermore, I was wondering if I should separate out my holiday goodness from the fall list, and now I see that will not be necessary. Internet five!

*By research I of course mean entering “When does fall end?” into my Google toolbar.

I am heading to Bainbridge Island for a girly weekend, and it comes at a time where each of us ladies needs girl time like air. We have an actual agenda of things we need to discuss. I keep emailing her with more things to add, like: How your ex totally named his kid a douchey name! Are we all watching Glee? Will B suddenly find himself attracted to our babymama when she gets pregnant because she is like, carrying on his genes and stuff? It promises to be a fabulous time.

I leave you with two things: a promise to come back with some awesome fall pictures, and FUCKING MARIA’S latest FB update:

FUCKING MARIA: well hm dad was doing well a little high from the drugs but took care of the problem. now going to clean and do some studyin I swear the group of the nurses and docs are just like greys anatomy lol it was funny they were talking about who wants to pr…ep for surgury I got asked to mabie do a intership with a surgent that would be awesome in the next 8 months before I am dn with college. mabie a possibity for my hrs

YOU GUYS, PLEASE DON’T LET HER BE MY NURSE.

*Disclaimer: I am too sick to keep trying to find the grammatical errors, everything is all swimmy. If you find them, you could leave a comment and tell me. Or just judge me silently. Just don’t mix the two and judge me in the comments. I’m fragile.

1. You know what would be nice? If my immune system could do me a solid and fight off one or two germs. I just got over a cold, and went to my sisters house on Saturday and when I was tucking in my nephew he sneezed in my face. IN MY FACE. I could see the germs coming, and it was like I was in slow motion, saying, “Nooooooooooooooo!”

Flash forward to today: I’ve only gotten off the couch to get food or pee. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t work, because I don’t even think Bill Gates has this many sick days.

(I bet if Bill Gates was reading this he would be like, Motherfucker, I’ll take as many sick days as I want . . .)

(A friend of mine worked for Bill and said said that he had a whole room in house that was a gift room. It was full of presents and wrapping and goodness, so that any time there was an occasion, they could just grab a gift out of the gift room. AWESOME!)

2. Being unemployed is really hard sometimes. It’s hard to remain positive, it’s hard not to have as much money, and it’s hard to lose the tiny bit of control over my future that I once held. Also: my eyebrows haven’t been waxed since before Obama took office, I haven’t had pedicure since the wedding, and my flat iron gets no love. I fear that unemployment has turned my frumpy.

3. My babymama news is this: we are waiting. She got her IUD out a couple of weeks ago, and she wanted to start testing right away, and then she had a period, so now we are back to waiting for ovulation. I think it would have been easier to just wait a month, but I also think she knows her body and this is just one of those examples of the strangeness of me knowing A LOT about her body. My guess is, however, that we won’t have our first go at it until next month.

4. alsdkfjwoeifh elksjdnflskfjlskj eoiwmfl wekfjn woe

5. Number four was me freaking the frack out at the waiting game.

6. In more babymama news, this last weekend we went to her sons first birthday party. So her whole family was there (and mine, in case you aren’t following this soap opera closely, she is the sister of my sisters husband.) I was a bit stressed about it, because I wasn’t sure how her mom felt about it. So we are all sitting around eating pizza and the baby wants some, so I cut up some pieces and give it to him. A few minutes later her mom says to her, “I can’t believe you gave him such big pieces!” and I was like, “ummm, I did that.” and she said to my babymama, “Are you sure you don’t want to back out?’ (in a totally joking way). So while I was embarrassed that I gave a one year-old child man-sized hunks of crust, I was relieved that it was out there, and in a joking way.

7. My babymama’s aunt is a lesbian, and she has a wife and they have a baby. They were all at the party, so my babymama tells them that she is going to be a surrogate, and I don’t think she was prepared for the onslaught of questions. You know, if you tell a straight lady that you are going to be a surrogate, she says, good for you! A lesbian lady with a child says, are you going to have an IUI or try at home? Have you spoken with a home nurse? When are you ovulating? My babymama was like . . . uh . . . she just wasn’t sure how much to share. They were, of course, totally supportive and awesome and full of resources. It’s funny to me how the gay and lesbian community feel like our biggest allies in this. I mean, I called four different law offices trying to get help with how to proceed and every place I called was condescending and kind of like, ummm, I don’t think we can help you. So I Googled “gay and lesbian attorney” and called the first person that came up. The guy on the phone, not even the lawyer, was just asking me questions like it was no big thing, and I said, “Do you think you can help us?” and when he said, “Totally!” I cried. I was afraid to tell him we were a straight couple because I didn’t want him to judge us. The reason I say it’s funny to me is that I see and hear this debate about bullshit things like Prop 8, and people are always talking about family values. Trust me on this, NO ONE has fought harder for family values than the gay and lesbian community. The reason most of this is moving forward for me is because thousands of lesbian women made it happen for themselves.

8. Whew! That went from “what I had for lunch” to “let’s talk politics” really fast!

9. Changing gears, because after all, this isn’t really a political blog. I really do want to talk about what I had for lunch today. I get in these food ruts sometimes, where I want one thing constantly. B loves it, to be sure. This week it is the fabulous tomato soup with sharp cheddar and ham sandwiches. I know, you are thinking that tomato soup isn’t really, by definition, fabulous. Behold:

It started with Molly’s version, found here. When I first went to make it I didn’t have two cans of garbanzo beans, however, and had to substitute white beans for one can. I loved it! Then, because we were having it again, I made it the original way, and I didn’t love it as much, I found that it had lost some of its smoky flavor. So this time (yep, the third batch) I have gone back to the one can of white beans.

Also, because we eat a lot of soup around here, I am a bit of a soup artist. Here are my two tips:

1. I keep a big plastic bag in the freezer, and I get it out every time I chop veggies. I put any extra in the bag, and then keep it in the freezer. When it is full, I make vegetable stock. Just dump in the frozen veggies, a couple of onions and garlic cloves, and really anything else you need to use up, salt it and let it simmer on the stove for the afternoon. Couldn’t be easier, and it really makes a difference in the soups you make with it.

2. The other thing that overtakes my freezer is Parmesan rinds. I NEVER throw them away, because they are so awesome to throw into any soup you make while it cooks. It adds a salty depth to it, just another really good layer of flavor.

So the recipe then:

Just heat up some olive oil and toss in three cloves of garlic and the leaves of three sprigs of rosemary. I hold on to the stalks of the rosemary and toss it in later. Let the garlic and rosemary cook up long enough for the olive oil to carry the flavor, and then add:

3 cans diced tomatoes
1 can white beans
4 cups veggie stock
pinch of sugar
parmesan rind
rosemary stalks
salt and pepper to taste

Bring to a boil, then simmer it for at least 20 min. I don’t bother to let it cool, I just dump in all (carefully) in my blender and puree it on up, until it is all thicker and yummy and gloppy. Oh, and don’t forget to take the rind and the stalks out first!

Then just add a can of garbanzo beans and heat through! You will NOT be disappointed! You could jazz it up further, if you wanted. I added shrimp one night when the husband was needing some meat in his diet.

10. Rumor has it that Bret Easton Ellis is teaming up with Gus Van Zant to make a film based on this Vanity Fair article that had me riveted awhile back. It’s a crazy story, I thought I would give you the link so you can have something to read while you eat the soup.

What can I say, I’m a giver!

Synchronizing our calendars:

Me: I am going learn how to play Bunco on the 30th.

Him: Where?

Me: At Maria’s little friends house.*

Him: Who?

Me: You know Maria?

Him: Yes.

Me: Her little friend . . .

Him: The super skinny one?

Me: NO. THE LITTLE PERSON!

Him: The midget?

Me: Yes, but people don’t call them that anymore.

Him: We don’t have to be politically correct here, the goal is for me to know what the fuck you are talking about.

Me: Well now you know! When I say “little person” I mean “person formerly known as a midget”.

Him: (BIG SIGH) What was the date again?

*Edited to add: No relation to FUCKING MARIA.

Other things I’m saying!

Fall List of Goodness

Coming Soon!

Flickr Photos

Tons of toms

green pepper

yellow cucumber

More Photos